when i was younger i had a really bad fear of vampires when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse the vampires and they would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon
Your brother is the best
There’s only two people I care about keeping contact with from high school. The rest are lame. College friends just make more sense.
one time my mom accidentally put wine into my little sister’s sippy cup and it was only discovered because when my sister asked for another cup she added “this juice is spicy”
*looks at Princess* Mmmhmm!
*holds up sippy cup*
"More of the spicy juice, pretty pleeaase?"
*innocent face*don’t do this here
|—||L.O.T.C (via lordoftheconquistador)|
Frozen + Tangled parallels
I’ve been waiting for this exact gif set.
this is my favorite image on the internet
last night some kid spilled nachos all over himself and he was so sad and I leaned over and whispered into his ear “I guess it’s nacho day” and he’s probably plotting my death right now
Things I don’t wanna mothafuckin talk about:
- My mothafuckin acne
- How mothafuckin tired I look
- My mothafuckin future
- My mothafuckin eating habits
Things I DO wanna mothafuckin talk about:
- This mothafuckin SMILIN PIGGY IN A BLANKET:
LOOK AT HOW CUTE THAT LIL FUCKER IS. THIS IS WHAT DREAMS ARE MOTHAFUCKIN MADE OF.
i feel bad for teachers because i distinctly remember my mom bursting into tears once when she was grading papers and she was just mumbling “theyre so goddamn stupid” over and over
every time i read this i laugh a little harder
the only card i will ever send